Okay, first things first, I hate the opening song. I don't know what they're saying, but it sounds like we're about to go ruin an entire people's livelihood. It's like the theme song for colonization. It's terrible.
There has been six seconds of dialogue, and I hate everyone on board but the kid in the funny hat. Why is the primary goal of this voyage to go "fight some Indians"? Why did John Smith refer to it as "fun"? Did he just ride a cannon into the air and onto the ship? Did I think that it was very attractive? Don't judge me for my superficial attraction to an egotistical and violent animated man with great hair and a jawline that could cut butter.
That rich guy with the peacock chest is the villain right? Purple is a bad guy's color. And he also has a bad guy mustache. He also has pigtails, with pretty bows on the end. That means he doesn't get his hands dirty. Definitely the manipulative type.
Do you see John Smith with his clean cut face and beautiful blue eyes? That's a good guy look. Flawlessly rescuing Thomas, almost drowning, and then making a loveable joke: totally a good guy move.
Governor Radcliff is super shady. I mean he's full of more bull than the arena at a rodeo? Like yeah he says offensive things, but so does the rest of the all white crew. He's just a genuinely bad person though. He says things like "a proper English greeting" in a manner that implies that the English are inherently violent and dominating, which is an awful thing to be aware of. And are they going to say "savages" the whole movie? Because I'm not here for it.
Hmm. Why is Pocahontas not scared of the big, strong pale men that she's never seen before in her life? At least she kind a knows better than to go out and greet them. Also how are they going to fall in love if she can't even speak English? Because they gotta fall in love.
I'm genuinely over John Smith and Governor Radcliff's musical numbers. The comparison to the Powhatan's people respect for land and Governor Radcliff's genuine disregard for it is obvious. I don't want to hear him sing about digging anymore.
Hey, I think John Smith was going to shoot her until he decided she was beautiful.
Ah, magic. That's how they will fall in love.
"These white men are dangerous." Yes, most of them, but Thomas is literally the sweetest kid and John Smith is definitely going to be an ally in the next ten minutes. Pocahontas was about to tear John a new one when he called her a savage. But then it turned all sweet and the woodwinds started playing, and now he's an ambassador of the Earth.
Wiggins is the best character of all of the colonists. His answer to why the Indians are attacking the English? Brilliant. I had to play it twice. "Because we invaded their land, and cut down their trees, and dug up their earth."
Whoa Kokum just said "white demons". It was very extreme for a Disney movie.
Whoa again! First of all, how dare Kocoum try to kill John Smith for kissing Pocahontas. Second of all, how dare Pocahontas be upset with Thomas like Kocoum wasn’t about to rip the blonde greek god’s throat out? Third of all, how dare John Smith yell at Thomas, and not go with him, or even comfort him? Everyone shut up. The only person’s foolishness that killed Kocoum was Nakoma and Kocoum himself.
Things I’m over: the word “savage,” musical numbers, and Pocahontas’s hopelessness.
I’m sorry. I highly doubt Governor Radcliff knows how to use that blade at all.
Were they… were they going to execute John Smith with a heavy rock on a stick?
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