It's Just a Little Hocus Pocus

"Come little children. The time's come to play, here in my garden of magic."

Devil's After Dark loves us honestly, truly, and we know this because on Friday night they screened Hocus Pocus on the quad. I sat right in front of the magic, giant inflatable screen on that chilly October night, and here are some of my takeaways.

Okay, I feel like Thackery Binx made some great choices here, he located his sister, sent a friend to wake the village elders, and went after the witches. However my sisters, the wonderful snitches that they are, would have woke up the entire village first, and then went looking for me later.

So right off the bat, four people just died. It took me a while to process little Emily's, but the death of the Sanderson sisters is so apparent. There legs are just hanging there on screen? That's so awful? Why did they do that to me as a child?

How old is Thackery Binx? Because he seems too young for me as a human, but he has a hot voice as a cat? Is that weird? I feel like that's weird. Yup, we're not gonna talk about that anymore.

Why are they telling Halloween stories? They're at least in ninth grade, where is the AP Test preparation?


This movie has sooo many stereotypes. Disney really put the kid from California in a tie dye shirt. Smart, cute, sassy hometown girl? I spotted the main female character.

He just gave his number, to Allison, on his first day of school, in front of the entire classroom. What kinda brass?

Aww, typical bullies. Stoners, looking to steal cigarettes and lunch money. Hahahaha, did he just say "sucked" and his dad tell him to watch his language? Aww, typical clueless parents, yes dad Max isn't wearing shoes out of protest, not because Ice just had him run it.

Did she not light the candle because she's a virgin, furthermore why is everybody making fun of Max? He's no more than fourteen years old. I'm glad he's a virgin, and no one else is? Like what Disney Channel.

What's up with Sarah Jessica Parker and "boys," cause it's weird. They're children? She may be the youngest sister but that's... illegal.

How does that 400 year old witch know these driving references? She shouldn't, she's been in this world for what 8 hours.

Yay! We defeated, evil like always, yes we because I was an active part of this emotional rollercoaster. Binx is reunited with Emily. Max Dennison gets the girl. I'm satisfied.

*Did not include pervy bus-driver's naughty joke, totally caught it, just don't have the words*