What I Learned in Disney School Is

I have always rooted for the "bad guys." I was Lady Macbeth's number one fan in English class. I watch Batman movies just for the Joker. I thought that the Avengers, an entire series based on super heroes, would be the lamest thing ever. However, I never rooted for Disney villains. Somehow, I separated Lady Macbeth from Lady Tremaine. Disney villains were evil, they had black hearts and bad hair dos, but the other "bad guys" they just made some mistakes, they were just understood.



I think what I learned about evil is that if we look to Disney to teach children the differences between good and evil it'll fail every time. Disney movies are barely an hour and thirty minutes long, targeted at children from ages 2 to 22. It's kind of hard to teach kids who can't walk down the street without being distracted by a pretty rock anything besides "men with bushy mustaches are bad" and "bad ladies look different from pretty princesses." But if we're looking to teach young children villainy in one movie, we're going to fail every time too. Mostly because we’re still defining it ourselves.



One of the hardest questions anyone has ever asked me is “What does bad mean?” It was my three-year-old sister. I said that it’s when you do something wrong to somebody else. I think that’s a pretty good definition when you’re talking to someone who wants to eat grape jelly and goldfish crackers for breakfast. But my definition of evil changes all the time, it comes with all these conditions and caveats; there are blank spaces because I haven’t finished defining it yet. And I think we have to understand that when we point fingers at Disney, Pixar, capitalism, or parents. We have to remember that the Imagineers aren’t the only people on this planet who write a child’s definition of evil. They’re just going to give them a template for it, a rough draft if you will, but that little mind is going to erase somethings, cross some parts out, and write new ones as long as they live.



So in Writing 101-74 Decoding Disney I learned that evil is a whole lot more complex than I thought it was, and simple words that I used to use to describe it like “intent” and “wrong” are not enough. It may have something to do with what we think evil looks like, or maybe there’s just certain faces we’ve been conditioned to associate with the word. It may have something to do with someone’s backstory, character, intent or maybe we should just stick to basing it off of your actions.

           

I’m going to keep rooting for the bad guys, and I’m going to keep picking on the good guys. I’m going to keep writing and rewriting my definition of evil, and I’m going to help my little sister redefine hers. She knows that all vampires aren’t bad, because she watched Hotel Transylvania. She knows that witches can do good things, she was one for Halloween. She can’t seem to figure out “Why are bad guys bad?” And so, I guess that’s what I’ll try to answer next.

Wreck-It Ralph

You're damn Skippy I bawled my eyes out over the end of this movie. Let's be straight. First, I cried. Second, if you didn't cry don't ever talk to me again, because you lack the same basic capacity for compassion that squirrels and nine year old children do. What kind of person doesn't cry watching Wreck-It Ralph. Probably more than I would like to think, but I don't care, I don't want to be any of their friends.

First and foremost this movie made me mad. I mean mad. I had the most intense frown for the first forty minutes. I hate every single one of the "Weeble's wobble, but they don't fall down," self-righteous, half-witted characters in that tacky apartment complex. Sargent Calhoun later emphasizes that the Cy-bugs do not know that they're in a game. Which implies that all of these morons know that they're in a videogame? They aren't pre-programmed with the belief that Ralph is a jerk. They have this preconception that since he was created to wreck things, (a key freaking role in this stupid game) that he's a monster. It's narrow minded and lazy, and incites this unnecessary rage in me towards pixelated creatures. I want to fight Gene, I would pay money to punch Gene in his mustache.

And the entire time Ralph just has this awesome attitude! He's a genuinely kind and witty guy. He has a temper sure, but he seeks help to find a medal and then takes the initiative to go get it. All he wants to do is eat cake and be included. They didn't even give him a bed. He didn't do anything wrong? He is totally justified in wanting to smash the entire game to pieces but he doesn't and tries to prove himself. I'm crying again. Dammit.

So, the bad guys in this movie are definitely the egg shaped bullies who didn't get to know the guy in the thirty years that they've lived in the same stupid glass box. King Candy is definitely hard core evil, but he's punished in a really clear and definitive way.

Turbo is seriously devious and very intelligent, and what he did to Venelope is extremely twisted , BUT IT WASN'T FOR 30 YEARS. Venelope also pushes your buttons a bit when she takes a medal that doesn't belong to her so that she can race, no? At the same time I couldn't really get upset with her because she's a child and she genuinely thought that she would just win it back, and furthermore didn't understand what it meant to Ralph.

So, Venelope is a bit of a brat. But she loves Ralph and they're the best friends ever. Turbo kinda kills himself in this strange bug way? Felix never apologizes, I hate him, and his marriage to Calhoun is also kinda strange and unnecessary but I laughed hard when he said he had the honey glow and that was nice. Gene is still awful (also he like made himself a margarita and it wasn't addressed) and I think Ralph should wreck his apartment. Then it'd be happy ending.

Tired of Disney Princesses

Hear me out: All Disney princesses are the same. Sure, they have a multitude of talents and they come in a wider array of colors and backgrounds these days. But at their core, they're all goody too shoes with hearts of gold and charm and spunk and any other cute, 5 cent adjectives you can think of. They have these can do attitudes and big dreams and their strong wills. I'm bored with them.
I want a controversial Disney princess. I want a princess that punches you in the face for looking at her wrong. I want a Disney princess that isn't quirky in a "cute way," I want a straight up goofball. Make us a princess who's a jerk. They're all too nice, and it's gross.
I love Disney for the wonder and the musical numbers. I'm not here for the princesses, and thinking about it now I don't think I've ever been. When I was asked to pick a Disney princess as a kid I always said Jasmine because she looked the most like me, I didn't think she was kick ass or really cool, I thought she was an idiot because King Ali definitely looks like Aladdin, but that's a different story.
The point is, I don't think the "perfect" princess makes a Disney story. It's the great music, the fantastic worlds, and the stories that they tell and most of the time that has nothing to do with her. All the Disney princesses are vanilla ice cream with a different topping, and asking for one that actually has a personality to her doesn't seem like a whole lot to ask.

More Daily Disney

Do you remember the volunteer violinist who plays at the hospital? She played "A Whole New World" today! I honestly shed a tear of joy when I recognized the song. I'm such a baby. Do you understand that Disney has full control of all of my emotions? I was running late to work and had just done awful on a math test, and then she plays the first couple notes and all I can think about is the magic carpet ride in Aladdin. It didn't have the same effect on the rest of the passersby, but maybe I'm just a sucker who has sold her heart to Disney. In any case someone's going to play that song at my wedding, on the violin, preferably that girl specifically.

Be a Princess

Today I made a coconut coffee sugar scrub and I feel like I'm literally glowing.  I cut and deep conditioned my hair and it's like as soft as you want to believe clouds are. I got up early this morning and put on my new cherry blossom midi skirt.

The point of sharing the exciting details of my self care routine is that I feel like a princess. This is how Cinderella must feel waking up to bird song. This is how Rapunzel feels with all of her golden, magical locks. Being a princess isn't always about saving China and marrying Prince Eric. Being a princess sometimes just means you feel beautiful, and soft, and deserving of all the riches in Agrabah. 

Wall-E, Not the Most Apocolyptic Tale

           

Have you ever played one of those word games where you say the first thing that comes to mind? When I hear “apocalypse” I think “sin”. And I’m not talking about our Ten Commandment standard brand of sin, not like telling a lie or cheating (both very atrocious acts). I’m talking about the type of destruction and chaos that can only be caused by a complete dearth of morals. Some of the staple apocalyptic films that Christopher Anderson names in “Post-Apocalyptic Nostalgia: WALL-E, Garbage, and American Ambivalence Toward Manufactured Goods” are caused by natural disasters, the meteor in Independence Day, but other such as the threat of mass nuclear destruction in The Day After, are examples of human flaw. A lack of respect for human life, a lack of kindness and morality.

That's not what happens in Wall-E, the humans aren't these morally corrupt and utterly lost people. They're just lazy. They’re just content getting big off of their liquefied meals and watching their TV screens, and it is this contentment that landed them on the Axiom in the first place, not a purposeful disregard for the Earth and the life on it. Anderson lists human consumers at one of the targets that Wall-E blames for the state of the planet. And while it is highly likely that Pixar is aiming its warnings of consumption and capitalism at the viewer, I don’t see any blame being put on the human characters in the film. They’re happy, go lucky people. When Wall-E saves the day, they all cheer. When they roll out of their floating bed/chairs they all helpfully attempt to catch someone else. Maybe this lack of apparent blame and finger pointing is due to the fact that the humans on the Axiom now are generations past responsibility for their situation, but unlike other classic post-apocalyptic films there is no moral wrestling or blatant guilt.

While that addresses the post-apocalyptic” points that Anderson makes about the movie, I find his ideas on nostalgia much more interesting. One of the most intriguing points that he mentions is Pixar’s careful placement of objects from Up and Toy Story that are strewn amongst the garbage that Wall-E collects. He calls this irony, because Pixar seems to be acknowledging that it is also an enabler of consumerism that will lead to heaps of merchandise in a landfill. However, I don’t believe this was Pixar’s objective at all. I believe that the memorabilia from those movies, and other historical time periods such as Sputnik and the Rubik Cube, is placed in the film because looking back on where we have been is a part of living. And furthermore, it is not just about our fond memories of history, but the “junk” we buy is proof that it happened, that we lived and that people before us lived, for those that come after us.

Wall-E doesn’t just collect Barbie dolls and old sporks, one of the nest inventions of our time by the way, he collects music and movies. Wall-E collects the things that define human culture. We’re all going to go someday, and who’s going to remember that if they don’t find any of our stuff? Who’s going to remember that Will Smith was the first rapper to win a Grammy or that Sally Ride was the first woman on the moon if I don’t keep my Fresh Prince reruns or Nasa T-shirt? We should recycle and take care of our planet, not forget memories for the sake of adopting this anticapitalistic attitude against buying stuff. Have you ever opened a woman’s purse or a little boy’s book bag? All that stuff in there, well that tells you who they are.

Wall-E is a musically inclined type of fella that appreciates a good velvet box. He has good taste in Christmas lights and likes classical movies. His personality is not defined by this stuff, but it is his personality that defines the stuff he collects. Have you ever met an antique stamp collector? I know a couple people who seem like the stamp collecting type of people.

Problems of a Decoding Disney 101 Student

I just want to enjoy this vivid, beautiful thread of Pocahontas scenes on Tumblr without thinking about how this film is a gross misrepresentation not only of an actual person's life but of the history of colonization. On the other hand, I'm torn with the decision to criticize Disney for its black-and-white portrayal of the storybook villain and its twisted take on history when it has never claimed to be a viable and trusted source for educating children.  In conclusion, Disney 101 is ruining Tumblr.