Wreck-It Ralph

You're damn Skippy I bawled my eyes out over the end of this movie. Let's be straight. First, I cried. Second, if you didn't cry don't ever talk to me again, because you lack the same basic capacity for compassion that squirrels and nine year old children do. What kind of person doesn't cry watching Wreck-It Ralph. Probably more than I would like to think, but I don't care, I don't want to be any of their friends.

First and foremost this movie made me mad. I mean mad. I had the most intense frown for the first forty minutes. I hate every single one of the "Weeble's wobble, but they don't fall down," self-righteous, half-witted characters in that tacky apartment complex. Sargent Calhoun later emphasizes that the Cy-bugs do not know that they're in a game. Which implies that all of these morons know that they're in a videogame? They aren't pre-programmed with the belief that Ralph is a jerk. They have this preconception that since he was created to wreck things, (a key freaking role in this stupid game) that he's a monster. It's narrow minded and lazy, and incites this unnecessary rage in me towards pixelated creatures. I want to fight Gene, I would pay money to punch Gene in his mustache.

And the entire time Ralph just has this awesome attitude! He's a genuinely kind and witty guy. He has a temper sure, but he seeks help to find a medal and then takes the initiative to go get it. All he wants to do is eat cake and be included. They didn't even give him a bed. He didn't do anything wrong? He is totally justified in wanting to smash the entire game to pieces but he doesn't and tries to prove himself. I'm crying again. Dammit.

So, the bad guys in this movie are definitely the egg shaped bullies who didn't get to know the guy in the thirty years that they've lived in the same stupid glass box. King Candy is definitely hard core evil, but he's punished in a really clear and definitive way.

Turbo is seriously devious and very intelligent, and what he did to Venelope is extremely twisted , BUT IT WASN'T FOR 30 YEARS. Venelope also pushes your buttons a bit when she takes a medal that doesn't belong to her so that she can race, no? At the same time I couldn't really get upset with her because she's a child and she genuinely thought that she would just win it back, and furthermore didn't understand what it meant to Ralph.

So, Venelope is a bit of a brat. But she loves Ralph and they're the best friends ever. Turbo kinda kills himself in this strange bug way? Felix never apologizes, I hate him, and his marriage to Calhoun is also kinda strange and unnecessary but I laughed hard when he said he had the honey glow and that was nice. Gene is still awful (also he like made himself a margarita and it wasn't addressed) and I think Ralph should wreck his apartment. Then it'd be happy ending.