A Response to Hiassen: Archenemy of Team Rodent

Team Rodent reads like an anthology of skillfully crafted fables, a sequence of entertaining short stories that are each neatly wrapped with a shiny bow of morals stuck on top. The catch is that Carl Hiaasen’s stories do not feature a tortoise or a hare, and they are not solely the melodramatic cautions of a village elder, or of a bitter Floridian. I did not think it was considerably difficult to read past the harsh tone of Henry Giroux and thoughtfully consider the statistics and cinematic critiques he presented against Disney, despite my eighteen-year relationship with the beloved company. But, reading Hiaasen’s exposé of actual, scandalous and somewhat unbelievable events that Disney has been involved in was shocking. Maybe a more important point to highlight is that if the instances themselves weren’t shocking, the fact that I had never heard of them was. I feel almost as if I’ve been cheated on by Disney, and reading Team Rodent is like being a woman scorned and finding hotel receipts and text messages. The only difference is that Carl Hiaasen’s writing style makes it interesting.

Hiaasen’s book is filled with just enough witticisms and playful voice that reading him tear Disney a new one is intensely interesting. While I was reading the book my interest peaked from chapters The Republic of Walt to Fantasy Fantasy Island. He makes three very pivotal points including the autonomy of Disney, America’s naïve perception of Disney (who buys a dog because of a movie) and the stretch of Disney’s purifying innocence. Future World drones on a bit, because as a reader I now expect the entertaining anecdote and witty banter, and although it is only eight pages long I was impatient for the chapter to end.

 However, just as I am ready to flip over into the next juicy Mickey scandal the last sentence reels me back in. “Reedy Creek will remain largely unpopulated, and therefore safe from the uncertainties of democracy.” This major line does not only charmingly conclude the topic of that chapter, it highlights a complex series of points Hiaasen makes. Democracy is uncertain, and if there is one thing Disney isn’t it is uncertain. Disney is rehearsed, clean cut (maybe even down to its PR stunts) and most of all safe. We trust Disney with our family vacations and endangered animals because they are so safe it is almost sacred. In creating this safe and sacred ground Disney has done away with democracy, and quite literally created its own, and a great force has been born out of that. This force literally moves lakes to build amusement parks, tried to build an amusement park six miles from a Civil War battlefield, and make legal magic (and maybe witchcraft) happen to do it. These are the ways that Disney devours the world, it kinda just makes its own. Hiaasen could’ve ended the book right there for me, I could’ve lived without the Rhino story.